I just returned from picking up my children from their father’s house. Though it was my home for fifteen years and feels so familiar, I am no longer attached to it in any way. The house, along with my marriage, are part of who I used to be. I do not regret having experienced any of my past. I know it brought me to the place where I am now. My present is peaceful, powerful and full of hope for the future. However, during this particular visit, as I spent a few moments on my old back porch, something very small happened which caused a deep feeling of unease. I immediately knew that I needed to find time to pause and examine the experience and inner conflict which arose.
As I arrived at my old house today, I noticed a beautiful Luna moth resting on the porch floor. My ex-husband said that the cat had not seen it yet and so it was still alive. I wanted to move the moth to safety and mentioned that but he seemed quite opposed to the idea. Eventually, the cat did find the moth and was about to attack. I instinctively protected it in spite of the tension that I felt I was somehow overstepping my bounds. It was not easy to do this carefully but I did the best I could and walked away.
Somehow, I knew that the imagery of what just occurred was meant to teach me a lesson. The discomfort I felt needed to be examined in order to understand my own hidden beliefs. When I got a chance, I looked up the spiritual meaning of the Luna moth and it was exactly what I expected it to be. It represents following light in the darkness as well as surrendering to a slow, gradual transformation. Some interpretations even say it symbolizes death. My instinct was to protect the moth yet I felt the energy of another who simply wanted to leave it to fate. I felt, from past experience, that I was being viewed as one who was overextending my power and attempting to control a situation. Whether or not this perception was real, I cannot say. All I know is that is what I believed in that moment.
In truth, all I wanted to do was to defend something more vulnerable than me which happens to represent the very essence of my heart and soul. I felt pressure to stand down because of how I may have been perceived but I did not. I acted and then I felt guilty as though I had done something wrong. For a moment, I wondered if the lesson was to stop acting from my gut. Thankfully, I have learned that once we have done our own inner work, all messages are meant to encourage us to embrace who we naturally are.
Soon after returning to my current home, as all of these things were going through my mind, I heard my son say, “Hello, grasshopper.” He found a tiny, green grasshopper which needed to be rescued and put outside. Together, we managed to gently return it to the grass. Then, of course, I looked up the spiritual meaning of a grasshopper. It is said to represent good luck and abundance in moving forward. It is often viewed as an encouragement to listen to your inner wisdom and take a leap. It was then that I realized that I needed to cast out all guilt I felt about protecting the Luna moth and what it symbolizes. Those feelings were from my past and I felt them when I was quite literally standing in the setting of my old life. Once I came home to my new sanctuary, I was encouraged to believe in my mission enough to continue to act.
The Universe speaks to me in the tiniest of moments. I am so grateful that I have learned it’s language. It is always encouraging and positive, affirming who I am and what I am here to do. It is love and it speaks with a resounding, “Yes!” Like the Luna moth, I have had to learn to be drawn to that which illuminates. Things I see in my own shadow are always the things that prevent me from living from my heart, free of fear and guilt. The process of learning this language was painful and definitely worth every minute of suffering. The ultimate lesson in everything is that what lies on the other side of fear is perfect love.